第十二章

    From that moment the screaming began that continued for three days, and was so terrible that one could not hear it through two closed doors without horror. At the moment he answered his wife realized that he was lost, that there was no return, that the end had come, the very end, and his doubts were still unsolved and remained doubts.

    从那时起，他开始连续不断地惨叫了三天，那声音极为恐怖，隔着两扇紧闭的房门都听得人毛骨悚然。他回答他妻子的那一刻，他意识到自己没有希望了，无法挽回，生命的结局已经来到，那最后一刻，而他的疑惑依然未有解决，还是疑惑。

    "Oh! Oh! Oh!" he cried in various intonations. He had begun by screaming "I won't!" and continued screaming on the letter "O".

    “噢！噢！噢！”他以各种语调惨叫着。开始叫的是“我不要！”，然后就不停地叫一个字“噢”。

    For three whole days, during which time did not exist for him, he struggled in that black sack into which he was being thrust by an invisible, resistless force. He struggled as a man condemned to death struggles in the hands of the executioner, knowing that he cannot save himself. And every moment he felt that despite all his efforts he was drawing nearer and nearer to what terrified him. He felt that his agony was due to his being thrust into that black hole and still more to his not being able to get right into it. He was hindered from getting into it by his conviction that his life had been a good one. That very justification of his life held him fast and prevented his moving forward, and it caused him most torment of all.

    整整三天，对他而言时间并不存在，他在那只黑口袋里挣扎，一股看不见、抗不住的力量却把他往里面塞。他像一个被判死刑的人，落入刽子手的手心中，使劲挣扎，知道他已经救不了自己了。他时时刻刻地感到不论他如何努力，他还是离他惧怕的东西越来越近。他感到他的痛苦是因为他被塞进那个黑洞里，更痛苦的是因为他不能一下子就进去。因为他对自己生活的肯定阻碍了他。他对自己人生的辩护紧紧抓住了他，阻止他前行，令他最受折磨。

    Suddenly some force struck him in the chest and side, making it still harder to breathe, and he fell through the hole and there at the bottom was a light. What had happened to him was like the sensation one sometimes experiences in a railway carriage when one thinks one is going backwards while one is really going forwards and suddenly becomes aware of the real direction.

    突然，有种力量打击了他的胸部和左肋，让他呼吸更加困难。他坠落至洞里，洞底有一点光亮。其实，这就像是有时候人坐在火车车厢里的感觉，火车确实在前进，但人却以为是在后退，后又突然意识到真正的方向。

    "Yes, it was not the right thing," he said to himself, "but that's no matter. It can be done. But what is the right thing? " he asked himself, and suddenly grew quiet.

    “是的，事情不对，”他对自己说，“但是没有关系了。可以改正。但什么才是对的事呢？”他问自己，突然安静下来。

    This occurred at the end of the third day, two hours before his death. Just then his schoolboy son had crept softly in and gone up to the bedside. The dying man was still screaming desperately and waving his arms. His hand fell on the boy's head, and the boy caught it, pressed it to his lips, and began to cry.

    第三天晚上，他临终前两小时，他正上学的儿子轻轻地进来，走到床边。奄奄一息的人依然在绝望地惨叫，挥舞着手臂。他的手落在了男孩头上，男孩握住了它，放在自己的唇上，开始哭起来。

    At that very moment Ivan Ilych fell through and caught sight of the light, and it was revealed to him that though his life had not been what it should have been, this could still be rectified. He asked himself, "What is the right thing?" and grew still, listening. Then he felt that someone was kissing his hand. He opened his eyes, looked at his son, and felt sorry for him. His wife came up to him and he glanced at her. She was gazing at him open-mouthed, with undried tears on her nose and cheek and a despairing look on her face. He felt sorry for her too.

    就在此时，伊凡·伊里奇坠落下去，看到了那点光亮，光亮启示他，虽然他生活得不对头，但还是可以改正的。他问自己：“怎么才是对的呢？”然后一动不动地倾听。接着他感觉到有人在亲吻他的手。他睁开双眼，看着他的儿子，感到他可怜。他的妻子走过来，他瞥了她一眼。她张着嘴巴凝视着他，鼻子上、脸颊上都是未干的泪水，脸上带着绝望的神情。他感到她也可怜。

    "Yes, I am making them wretched," he thought. "They are sorry, but it will be better for them when I die." He wished to say this but had not the strength to utter it. "Besides, why speak? I must act," he thought. With a look at his wife he indicated his son and said: "Take him away...sorry for him...sorry for you too...." He tried to add, "Forgive me," but said "Forego" and waved his hand, knowing that He whose understanding mattered would understand.

    “是啊，是我造成了他们的不幸。”他想，“他们可怜，但等我死了他们就会好过一些的。”他希望把这些说出来，但没有力气说。“再说了，为什么要说出来呢？我必须有所行动。”他想。他对着儿子用眼神指示妻子说：“带他走……他可怜……你也可怜……”他想加上：“原谅我。”却说成了“原了么”，然后挥了挥手，他知道，让上帝听懂才是重要的，上帝会听懂的。

    And suddenly it grew clear to him that what had been oppressing him and would not leave him was all dropping away at once from two sides, from ten sides, and from all sides. He was sorry for them, he must act so as not to hurt them: release them and free himself from these sufferings. "How good and how simple!" he thought. "And the pain?" he asked himself. "What has become of it? Where are you, pain?"

    突然间他发现，原先压迫他、不愿离他而去的折磨现在全都立刻消失了，从身体两侧、四面八方、身周所有的方向消失了。他怜悯他们，他必须行动，不让他们受苦，让他们解脱，也让自己摆脱这些折磨。“多么美好，多么简单！”他想。“疼痛呢？”他问自己，“它怎么了？你在哪里，疼痛？”

    He turned his attention to it.

    他将注意力转到疼痛上面。

    "Yes, here it is. Well, what of it? Let the pain be."

    “是，它在这里。好，又能怎样呢？疼就疼吧。”

    "And death...where is it?"

    “还有死亡……它在哪里？”

    He sought his former accustomed fear of death and did not find it. "Where is it? What death?" There was no fear because there was no death.

    他以前一直惧怕死亡，他寻找着那种恐惧，但没有找到。“它在哪里？什么死亡？”没有恐惧，因为没有死亡。

    In place of death there was light.

    代替死亡的是光。

    "So that's what it is!" he suddenly exclaimed aloud. "What joy!"

    “原来是这样啊！”他突然大声喊道，“多么欢乐啊！”

    To him all this happened in a single instant, and the meaning of that instant did not change. For those present his agony continued for another two hours. Something rattled in his throat, his emaciated body twitched, then the gasping and rattle became less and less frequent.

    对他而言，这一切都只发生在一瞬间，但这一瞬间的意义没有改变。对在他身边的人而言，他的痛苦又持续了两个小时。他的咽喉中有什么东西格格作响，他瘦弱的身体抽搐着，然后喘息和格格声的次数越来越少。

    "It is finished!" said someone near him.

    “过去了！”他近旁的一个人说。

    He heard these words and repeated them in his soul.

    他听到了这句话，并在灵魂里重复着这句话。

    "Death is finished," he said to himself. "It is no more!"

    “已经死了。”他对自己说，“不再有死亡了！”

    He drew in a breath, stopped in the midst of a sigh, stretched out, and died.

    他吸入一口气，呼出一半时停住了，两腿一伸，然后死了。